Miserable Bastard Of The Year Award 2020 – John Craven’s Fuse Found

It’s that time of the year, apparently.
In an effort to bring you something a little more ‘real’ from the streets of Avalon, here’s a little tribute to some of the less-pleasant characters about town.

This year sees the award won by none other than husband of Fairy fetishist Linda Rovenscraft (she’s actually got some skills!), John (who can make tea and renovate banks – no wonder he shows over-zealous ownership of his little patch)

Well known by locals in town for being a bigoted, loud-mouthed, unpleasant, territorial bull dog, he regularly picks a fight with young musicians in town (causing them great distress), throws water over chalk artists he doesn’t like and shouts at people taking refuge by his closed shop when sitting in the street, peacefully eating a sandwich.

Apparently the drummers drive him so mad, that he doesn’t want the vibrant culture that attracts his customers to his business to exist any more than he can stand it. How marvellously selfish of him – as he’s only been “around here”, milking the new-age puppy, for two sniffs of a dog’s arse, he’s got a bloody cheek too.

His invovlement in this video followed a peaceful protest in May, where the speaker, Free Cannabis, of Glastonbury’s infamous Hemp In Avalon shop, was arrested mid-song on the Market Cross. It was almost perfectly executed by the Police, as they waited for the cameras to be ready before they swept in and took Free away. It was a great propaganda opportunity for the press.

John decided to drink his cup of tea and hurl random abuse at people, saying (as you’ll see) “those bastards aren’t even from round here” – as if he feels such pride of citizenship that he gets dictate who has a right to protest or support free speech, or be in a public place based on their residential origin – what a cock-jockey!

Well, we need people from outside Glastonbury to come and assist, if all we have is social retards like him – given his business depends on tourism, he’s incapable of seeing the irony of acting as he does.

SUBMIT YOUR ENTRIES FOR 2021 – email material to info@abnormalforglastonbury.uk